After yesterday's post, I realized I may have given you the wrong impression, so I wanted to clear it up with today's post. I am in no way as confident or self assured and me blabbing my weight and height all over the internet may have made me seem. I'm also not a shrinking violet who hides in the corner. I like to happily exist in both worlds, 1 part mildly neurotic girl trying on multiple outfits before leaving for a night out, and 1 part super confident woman who believes any crosswalk can be a run way, and the higher the heel the better. I'm good at living in both worlds in part because I'm an actor. I wouldn't say I'm good at a lot of things… I would say I'm an actor, so I am mediocre at most things, but an expert at acting like I know what I'm doing.
That leads me to today's scary thing. Today I'm going to be an actor.
For the record, I'm not really scared of being an actor… I am petrified of trying to be an actor and finding out I'm really bad at it. I've spent the better part of the last year secretly half believing that the only reason the director didn't fire me from the last show I was in was because it would have left an odd number of guys and girls for the dance numbers…(see, under-confident girl neurotically trying on a million metaphorical outfits). At the same time, I've been blabbing to anyone who would listen about how amazing the show was, what a great time I had doing it, and how much I loved the work I was doing. Which is also all true. I loved the work, the people, and the show really was good. (see, self assured woman in heels).
I think anyone in this ridiculous acting game spends about as much time doubting their abilities and what they are doing as they spend memorizing lines or sending out headshots. (present company included to the millionth power). Also, with this whole life change, axis shift, funemployment thing I've got going on right now I figure there is no better time to try something new. So today, and the rest of this week, I'll be submitting to agents, trying to find representation, and scheduling auditions. Like an actor.
p.s. This post ended maybe being a little heavier than the kooky, silly, self doubty, one I had pictured in my head where I tell you about not only my attempting to find an agent, but also about a few of my more interesting experiences doing theatre in the city. So, below please enjoy a piece I wrote a few years ago for a show I did called True+False. In the show each of us actors wrote one true and one false story that we performed for the audience who had to then decided which to believe. True+False was one of the best things I've worked on to date… The show I describe in the piece you're about to read however, was not. Enjoy!
Act/or
My Grandparents recently sent me a videotape. It’s of me at about 4 years old, waltzing into my grandma’s living room wearing a rainbow striped turtleneck and this pair of humongous white sunglasses, that I obviously put on to add a little flare to my everyday, kid-ish outfit. I saunter into the living room, the whole time fully aware of the camera following my every move. I glance into the lens to make sure I have the spot light, then I sit down at the coffee table, pick up a green crayon, and start scribbling on pages ripped from a coloring book. When I am finally asked what I am doing, I turn look directly into the camera and respond, “I’m scribbling these for my producer. He needs them for Monday next.”
I was meant to be an actor.
I did theatre growing up, I graduated from college as a theatre major. I became an actor. I am an actor.
My most recent role was as the mother and lead Kazoo player in a children’s theatre production of Hansel und Gretel- not Hansel and Gretel, but Hansel Und Gretel, for this new theatre company that just opened in Chicago. I hadn’t auditioned in like a year, so I was really pumped to be asked work with them. From the beginning I was a little nervous about getting back into it and creating a character, and really doing a good job. When I got the script I realized it was 36 pages of not good… I wasn’t horrible, but it wasn’t great. It was actually written by a man whose pen name is bitten by a zebra. The cover page of my script said 'Written by bitten by a zebra'.
At the first rehearsal we sat down as a cast to discuss the show and my director’s plans for the show, when he announced he didn’t actually have any plans for the show, anytime he had made any plans he inevitably changed them, so why plan ahead? To him theatre was a collaborative art, and he thought we could make all the decisions as a group. Essentially, he hadn’t done any prep work for the show, and consequently we were all going to have to pick up his slack.
The budget for Hansel Und Gretel was a wopping zero dollars, so anything we thought we would need- like costumes or props or sets, we would have to provide ourselves. This is how I ended up with the kazoo. Did I mention Hansel Und Gretel was kind of a musical with a few song and dance numbers? However, because we didn’t have money to pay for any music, I was elected to play the Kazoo and accompany all of the songs. Since all the songs somehow involved dance, and I also studied dance in college, I was elected to not only act in the show, be a kazoo playing musical director, but also be the shows choreographer.
Our rehearsal space was a garage with no heat and dirt floors. Our dressing room was a basement with nowhere to dress, or sit, and dirt floors. Our poster was comprised of a clip art gingerbread man on red typing paper,-- they did however use 2 fonts.
My favorite number in the show was a song I choreographed called the bratwurst song. It went a little like this: (sung to the tune of Old McDonald Had A Farm)
"If you like I make Bratvurst… E,I,E,I,O
And on that vurst I put some sauerkraut… E,I,E,I,O
With a sauer, sauer, here, and a krauty, kraut there,
Here a sauer, there a kraut… E,I,E,I,O!"
Did I mention we only spoke in German dialects? I also yodeled.
The actor who played Hansel, who was about 5’3”, maybe 5’4”- somewhere around there, and was really 'nice'. He told me he liked the way I talked. He would imitate me and then tell me I was 'cute'. On closing night he said he wanted to 'hang out' with me. I would describe him as petite. And nice. Nice and petite. So that was my last role, as a kazoo playing German Mother.
I am an actor.
I’m an actor?
Partway through the run I ran into a classmate from college who asked what I was up to...
"Oh, I’m working on a great show with a new theatre company in the city. It is a totally collaborative project with movement and music. I really feel like I’m using all my talents. "
