yesterday was the pits.

Addendum: Most of the list below was actually written while I was sitting outside of my apartment last night trying to figure out how to get in wallowing in self pity.  I eventually made it in, made it to my bed, and barring the fan, made it to today with no more major incidents.  It has to be said that I am completely aware the list below is actually all fairly minor stuff- I'm sure I'll be fine, and things will work out exactly the way they should.  If nothing else, I only cried once today and it wasn't at my desk, so maybe we can count that as the most minor of victories.

From Yesterday:
Some days just take it out of you and today was one of them.  Here's just a little snippet of what my day looked like:

I ran out of hot water minutes in to my shower

There was a minor break-in in our building

Work was the worst- I cried not once, but twice at my desk (I don't want to talk about it b/c I still feel really sad)

The locksmith must have stopped by to change all the locks as a post break-in precaution which means my keys don't work.

I missed a call from my landlord (probably to tell me where my new key is or how to get in to the building) and my voicemail is full

My landlord wouldn't answer my return call.

I sat outside of my broken in to building for 30 minutes trying to figure how to not be locked out and trying not to cry.  again.  for the third time.

While climbing in to bed (mere minutes after getting inside my apartment) I tried to turn off the light / turn on my ceiling fan and the cord came off in my hands, leaving my fan spinning at a rate of speed that can't really be safe.

I'm going to hope tomorrow will be better… 

p.s. the photo above is of my Elvis front door key that had to be retired for the new locks.  Someday I'll tell you the story of how I ended up with an Elvis front door key and my friend Becky stopped me from buying every single thing in Graceland.  That my friends is a good story...

I'm really bad at a lot of things...

This is my friend Sherri in the middle.  She just had a baby yesterday, so clearly I had a panic attack.



This is me out for a 'Run' (as you can see, I'm more interested in taking artsy selflies than actually running)



This is proof of my cup hoarding problem.

I think this post might be the companion piece to one I tried to write earlier today but couldn't, didn't, wasn't ready to finish.  I'm sure I'll share it at some point, but not right now.  So instead, may I please present to you a list of 25 things I am bad at... in no particular order:

-Cooking.  Doi.
-Drinking 8 glasses of water a day.  Do people really do that?
-Telling people no
-Golf
-Getting up in the morning
-Not checking Facebook and Instagram 718 times a day at work
-Rememberring my life is not a sitcom (no matter how much I sometimes think it should be) and reminding myself I don't always have to make the self deprecating joke to make the studio audience laugh… Sometimes I should just be kind to myself.
-Carrying heavy things
-Excel
-Always paying bills on time
-Being quiet
-Sitting still when there is music playing, especially if I know the words.
-Telling myself no
-Playing it cool in front of my work crush.  So bad.  I am so, so, so, bad at that.
-Doing laundry on a regular basis
-Finding my voice after not writing for awhile
-Buying exactly the right amount of fruits and veggies
-Saving money
-Knowing what to be when I grow up
-Not crying...  I cry at everything.  Evvvvvrything.
-Eating only a little brie and baguette
-Not panicking every time one of my friends gets married or has another baby
-Taking my coffee mugs and tupperware home from work
-Running.  I. just. hate. it.
-Not laughing at my own jokes.  In my defense, sometimes I think I'm really funny.

I love you fall.

There are no less than 987 mazillion reasons I love Fall weather, and here in no specific order are a few of my favorites...

1.Boots and Leggings.
I admittedly will max this look out until people start to wonder if I even own a pair of real pants.  I can't help it.  I'm a former dancer turned lover of comfort and to me there is no better fall option.  I also like the idea that at any given moment I'm ready for any sort of dance emergency that may pop up.  Because, you know, you should always be prepared.

2.Crisp fall air and sunshine.
It's no secret that as a city New York has always had my heart, and the feeling of cool air and warm sun on my cheeks is like walking through Central Park.  It is just right and makes me feel so hopeful.

3.Boys in Plaid.
I thought I loved this weather because of boots and leggings… Then I remembered boys in plaid shirts.  You guys, BOYS IN PLAID SHIRTS!  The other day on the way to work I counted no less that 8 very good looking gentlemen sporting plaid shirts and I was so distracted I almost missed my stop.

4.Hot Apple Cider.
It's like drinking all of fall and the best things about the season.

5.Scarves and Sweaters.
This one isn't my strongest choice alone, but coupled with #1 and #7 I can find no other combo that I would like to wear all of the time.  Also, I secretly feel like this is the easiest look to pull together and achieve the ever elusive and always sought after 'effortlessly striking look' that we're all hoping for.

6.Sleeping under a warm quilt with the window open.
The best sleep you will ever get.  Ever.

7.All of the layers.
See also scarves.  This goes back to the dance thing for sure.  There is a huge difference in being hot and being warm.  Hot is gross and sweaty and I have no control over it.  Warm is being cozy and comfortable and totally in control of my temperature.  In college I would basically wear everything I owned to a ballet class so I could systematically strip off a layer at a time and maintain the perfect temperature.

8.That feeling of something new and exciting.
I'm 31 and haven't been in school for years, but that doesn't stop me from getting that excited, first day of school, big adventure, butterflies in my stomach feeling whenever the first real fall day hits the city.

p.s. the photos above are a little photographic proof of 1, 5, 7, and maybe a little 8.  (For the record I tried to snap a few photos of 3, but I just felt like a creeper.)

p.p.s. if you happen to know 3 who enjoys 6 and 2 and would want to meet for 4… Let me know ;)

I missed you...

A lot.

I wrote my last post a lifetime ago.  It was (and I was) really sad and I had to step away for a while to decompress.  And then, like a neglected friendship, the time and distance set in.  The longer I didn't post, the more embarrassed I got that I hadn't called you, or emailed, or made a coffee date.  Then the more embarrassed I got, the more I dreaded running in to you or making plans.  And then there would have to be that awkward email or call or blog post where I apologize for being a bad, busy, preoccupied friend.  I know it happens, and we all get busy, and you will hopefully all forgive me, but it really has been too long.  So, please consider this my awkward phone call to you to tell you all how I miss you.  I'd like to call more, to write to you, and maybe even get coffee if you're free.  I'd also like to post a few things here and there and I hope you like them.